Wedding Day Etiquette Every Bride and Groom Should Know

Planning a wedding comes with endless decisions—and just as many questions about what’s considered proper etiquette. From awkward guest list dilemmas to timing the ceremony just right, even the most organized couples can find themselves unsure of the “right” thing to do. That’s where wedding day etiquette comes in. In this article from the archives, we turned to seasoned wedding and etiquette expert Jean Picard to weigh in on some of the most common (and tricky!) planning scenarios couples face. Their advice? Honest, practical, and just what every bride and groom needs to know.

Keep scrolling for an exclusive Q&A on wedding day etiquette.

From the Archives

Q: Should we put an earlier start time on the invitation so we can have the ceremony start at the time we want in spite of latecomers?

A: That sounds like the perfect solution, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, it isn’t that simple. The majority of guests will feel that you and your wedding are important enough to deserve an on-time arrival. There will even be some who will be so concerned about being on time that they will actually arrive half an hour early. Do you really want these kind of people to have to wait around for the less considerate? Handling wedding guests is a bit like raising children—you must not reward bad behavior!

Q: The guest list keeps growing, but our reception site has a maximum capacity of 160. How can we trim the list without hurting feelings?

A: Eliminating categories of people rather than individuals is one way to soften the blow. For example, if you invite your boss but none of your coworkers, you’re less likely to cause offense than if you invite some but not all of your coworkers. Also, go down your list and ask yourself a few questions about each person: When was the last time I saw him? Have we kept in touch? Has he ever been to my home? Have I ever been to his home? If he were getting married now, would I want to attend his wedding? Your answers will tell you whether the person really belongs on the guest list.

Q: My dream had always been to have a very elegant, formal evening wedding, but my fiancé, who comes from a very large family, wants to invite everyone’s children. Is there a solution?

A: This is an issue that many people feel so strongly about that it is unlikely that either one of you will be able to change the mind of the other. However, there is a compromise that might make both of you happy. The one who feels that the presence of children will detract from the elegance and formality might not object to having a separate party for young guests; the one who would feel badly excluding anyone’s children can not only include them but do so in a very special way. If you are having a significant number of children at your wedding, consider providing childcare and/or entertainment. You might want to hire caregivers to tell stories and show videos or book a magician to entertain the children in an adjoining nearby room.

Q: I would rather that guests send gifts before the wedding than bring them to the wedding. How do I word that request on the invitations?

A: If guests send gifts before the wedding, couples do not have to deal with keeping track of them at the wedding and transporting them afterward. But many people are in the habit of taking their gifts to the wedding, and it is unlikely that anything is going to change—even if it were appropriate for you to print your request on the invitation, which it is not. Any mention of gifts on an invitation is a violation of etiquette rules. But if you are creating a registry, your preferred shipping address will be listed. And with so many people shopping online now and having gifts shipped directly to the recipients, perhaps you won’t have as many gifts to contend with at the wedding as you think.

Q: Can we invite our single friends and not invite them to bring a guest?

A: If a friend you’re inviting is single but in a serious relationship, you should find out that person’s name and specifically invite him or her. There is no need, however, to invite someone your friend has dated a few times or to send out “and guest” invitations encouraging your friends to treat your wedding like a dating venue. Besides, most singles know that a wedding is a great place to meet someone.

Q: My ever-practical fiancé wants to get all the formal photography out of the way before the ceremony. But I don’t want him to see me until I’m walking down the aisle. It’s bad luck. What should we do?

A: It has become a tradition, yes, for the bride and groom to not see each other on the wedding day until the ceremony. But bad luck? You will find many couples who ignored the tradition and have been happily married for decades, as well as many couples who adhered to the tradition and were divorced before the wedding was paid for!

However, if your dream is to see the look in your groom’s eyes when he first catches sight of you in all your bridal splendor, there is a much better way. Your wedding consultant and photographer can work together to stage a “first-sight moment.” An hour and a half before the ceremony time, with the photographer in place at a discreet distance, your fiancé can be waiting in a photogenic spot as you walk toward him. The moment will have a much greater impact than when the ceremony is underway and nerves are at a fever pitch. You can enjoy a quiet, calming moment together. The photographer can start the pre-ceremony shoot with just the two of you and then bring in the bridal party and family. If the shoot ends a half hour before the ceremony, everyone will have time to refresh themselves and relax a bit.

Q: I’ve always wanted an elegant evening wedding, but our church has only three time slots for ceremonies—10 am, noon, and 2 pm. What can we do with our guests for the three hours until the reception?

A: Synchronizing the ceremony and reception times is a common challenge for brides. Often, reception venues offer two time slots, generally 11 am to 4 pm and 6 pm to midnight, which don’t mesh with the schedules of many ceremony locations. It is time to weigh your priorities. You can either forego your dream of an evening wedding or choose a different ceremony site. You cannot have a three-hour gap between the ceremony and the reception. Yes, there are things your guests could do for those three hours–see a movie, go shopping, take a nap, mow the lawn–but will it be fun for them or make for a good party? The idea of a “hospitality suite” at a hotel, perhaps the one where your reception is taking place or one where many of your guests are staying, will probably be suggested to you. Not a good idea. Do you want an elegant reception, or would you prefer to destroy the elegance aiming for by interjecting an unpolished little party that’s out of character with the rest of the event? Either way, by the time the “real” reception starts, many guests will be partied out. Some will even drop out, increasing the number of no-shows at the reception.

Whenever there is a long gap in a wedding, guests usually go home or to their hotel to slip into something more comfortable. Sadly, many don’t bother to change back into their wedding finery for the delayed reception, which certainly detracts from the elegance the bride had envisioned.

Jean Picard is a wedding and etiquette expert who has planned and coordinated hundreds of weddings and has “seen it all” when it comes to weddings.

“Wedding Day Etiquette Every Bride and Groom Should Know” Spotlight WiH Partners- Venue: Corinthian Houston | Grand Galvez | Hyatt Regency Lost Pines Resort & Spa | Le Tesserae | The Astorian | Florals + Decor: Plants N’ Petals | Stationery + Registry: Bering’s | Cake: Susie’s Cakes | Wedding Gown: Belle Âme Bridal | CVB: Visit Galveston

Contributing Photographers- David Bates with Chris Bailey Photography / Jade Lynzee Photography / Lightfeels Weddings – Luis Mendoza / Lyndsay Lyon Photography / Mustard Seed Photography / RaeTay Photography / Erika Geier Photography